A Run-By Fruiting
by Balongdag
Summary: Sometimes your brother's boyfriend just doesn't make the cut, and certain actions must be implemented to make sure he learns his place.


**Christmas**

"What are these again?"

"Christmas lights!"

Sideswipe beamed at Prowl, bouncing on the balls of his pedes as the two stood at the end of the street, watching the almost exotic display of lights shimmer into the night. The flashing red and greens reflected in their optics as they observed with wide eyes, and Prowl raised an optic ridge.

"Sunny really likes to watch them, thinks they're pretty," Sideswipe explained when all that Prowl offered him was a baffed look.

Prowl fluttered his doorwings, and peered curiously at a particularly large, well decked out house near the end of the block, flashing red, greens and whites as a large animatronic animal swayed happily from the roof.

"What is that?"

Sideswipe followed Prowl's gaze, and chortled, grin maniac enough to tell Prowl that Sideswipe was already ordering dozens on line to terrorize the Ark with.

Great.

"It's Santa's sleigh, and that's Rudolph."

"I'm slightly concerned about how much you know about this holiday," Prowl murmured, but offered a half smile to Sideswipe anyway.

Sideswipe shrugged, "It's fun, and besides, you get to sit on Santa's lap."

"You're too big to fit on any humans lap."

Sideswipe smirked, and snuck an arm around Prowls waist, "I can just sit on yours."

It was dark, but Sideswipe could still see the dark flush that had spread across Prowls cheeks.

There was a moment of hesitation, but Prowl still leant over so he could place a chaste kiss on Sideswipe lips, savouring the taste of sweet energon before leaning back, the two almost nose to nose as their ventilations chuffed, EM fields mingling together as they smiled.

It would have been a sweet moment, one that Sideswipe would have reluctantly smiled about it when thinking about it later, if it weren't for the sudden rush of air, and Prowl being bowled over by something heavy.

"What the frag!" Sideswipe exclaimed as Prowl doubled over, hand flying to his face as a sickly smelling liquid trickled out from between his fingers.

"What is that!" Sideswipe almost shrieked, thinking for a split second that it was energon and the Decepticons were open firing.

Prowl huffed, and straightened out, finally lifting his hand to reveal the sticky, lumpy substance that had exploded all over his face, dripping over his optics to slide of his face and onto his bumper.

Sideswipes optics narrowed and he sent a glare down the street, scanning through the houses and the hordes of humans who were skittering around the lightshow.

"Any idea who might have done it?" Prowl asked dryly, and Sideswipe scowled.

"Oh, I have some."

Prowl hummed a sour note, and tried futilely to wipe the substance off his face, which only served to make his hands a sticky mess.

"I think it's a fruit," Sideswipe muttered, and leant over so he could wipe one black finger through the mess on Prowls face. He smirked and sucked on the digit, glossa lapping at the sweet taste until nothing remained.

"Tastes alright."

Prowl could already see where Sideswipes mind was heading.

"No, absolutely not."

() () () () ()

 **Halloween**

Just like many other human customs and holidays, Halloween had been introduced to the Ark by an excited Spike, and once the initial confusion was cleared, most residents enjoyed the funny, albeit weird holiday.

Dressing up as someone else was something that was particularly enjoyed, and it only took the promise of a nice wax to get Sunstreaker to paint erotic human lingerie onto his frame.

And of course, the one person who he wanted to see it was still holed up in his office, _working._

He didn't bother to knock, instead coding in the passcode and sauntering inside, gaze sultry as he looked at Prowl.

Fragger wasn't even glancing up.

"Prowl."

The second and command still didn't shift his gaze from the datapad on his desk, "Yes?"

"Are you coming to the party?"

Prowl almost huffed a laugh, "I don't think so."

Sideswipe groaned, "But you promised."

"I don't recall I did."

Sideswipe pouted, "Well, in my head you did."

This time Prowl did laugh, and even as soft as it was, it still had Sideswipe grinning proudly.

He propped a hand on his hip, in a way that he hope showed off the extensive patterns now adorning his finish, and pinged Prowl incessantly.

Prowls doorwings twitched, and with a normal level of exasperation anyone had when dealing with Sideswipe, glanced up.

Sideswipe snickered as Prowl went ramrod straight, optics wide as his doorwings fluttered.

The frontliner smirked, he recognised that particular pattern of wing flicks.

"What do you think?"

Going by the way that Prowls optics roved over him, he'd say he had picked his costume quite well.

"You like?"

Prowl swallowed, and did his best to tear his eyes away from Sideswipe's pelvic area, "You're going like that?"

Sideswipe nodded.

"I think I could go for a little bit."

* * *

Sunstreaker really did not understand what his brother saw in _Prowl_ of all mechs.

The second in command was the one who put a stop to most of Sideswipes fun, gave him lectures that bored him out his processor and was constantly throwing him in the brig.

But still Sideswipe went after him, and it had honestly shocked Sunstreaker to the core when the tactician actually liked him in return.

Sunstreaker still held a varying dislike for Prowl, even if he treated Sideswipe much better than any previous relationships his brother had been in, he still just didn't trust the tactician.

So when Sideswipe detoured from the rec-room and told his twin to just meet him there, Sunstreaker held a pretty clear idea as to where he went.

There was a poke at his bond, and Sunstreaker glanced up in time to see Sideswipe striding into the rec-room, Prowl at his side, the lingerie delicately painted on his frame turning optics in his direction, and Sunstreaker couldn't help but smirk at the slightly jealous flicker of Prowls doorwings.

He frowned when the mech put an almost possessive arm around Sideswipe waist, probably the most affectionate he'd been in public since the two started 'dating.'

Sunstreaker's nasal ridge scrunched at the human term, and he instead turned his gaze to scowl at the annoyingly bright abundance of Halloween decorations now adorning the rec-room.

The sickly orange at least matched with the walls, and the strange human fruits adorned with almost cryptic carvings did nothing but creep him out.

Sideswipe was still by the energon dispenser with Prowl, and Sunstreaker's scowl thickened when Prowl offered an energon goodie to Sideswipe lips, the latter taking it between his teeth, letting it dissolve on his tongue as he leaned forward to share it with Prowl.

Gross.

Despite himself, and his reminder that this was making Sideswipe happy, his temper still triumphed over any clear thought he had, and his hands were grabbing the pumpkin sitting at middle of the table before his processor could catch up.

As always, his throw hit its mark, and the rec-room fell to hushed whispers as the huge orange fruit splattered between Prowls doorwings, sending a mess of orange internals up the back of his frame and into the joints of his doorwings.

Both Sideswipe and Prowl froze, and everyone seemed to hold their breath as the tactician's servo came around to touch the remnants of the fruit on his back.

At Sideswipes horrified expression, Sunstreaker almost felt bad.

Almost.

()()()()()()()

 **Easter**

"What's the point of this holiday?" Sideswipe grumbled, pedes dragging behind him as he followed Prowl through the fields, doing his best not to step on any small children.

"I thought you liked human holidays."

Sideswipe frowned, and deftly moved to the side when a horde of sticky, small human bodies came screaming in his direction.

Something about eggs.

"I like the ones with less loud, annoying children."

Prowl smirked, "Sideswipe, you're loud and annoying."

Sideswipe rolled his optics, and stepped up to Prowl so he could flick a doorwing, "Gee, thanks, Prowl."

The second in command just offered him a chaste, slightly mocking, kiss on the cheek.

He could be cheeky too.

"You just don't like it because you're afraid of the Easter Bunny."

Sideswipe spluttered indignantly, "Wha- I am not."

"Well, for your sake, hopefully it won't visit today."

Sideswipe sent a horrified look in Prowls direction, "You said it wasn't real!"

Prowl laughed, and despite the rareness of the action, Sideswipe still grumbled and pouted.

"That's no fair."

"Sure it is."

Sideswipe grumbled, "A huh."

Prowl slid an arm around his waist, "You keep scowling like that and you'll turn into your brother."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, and I much prefer you."

Sideswipe laughed, and still somehow had the time and reflexes to jerk Prowl out the way when a small, raw human egg came hurtling their way.

"Ha, saved you that time."

Prowl frowned, and glanced down at the remnants of the coloured egg. It must have come from the decorating station.

Another egg come hurtling their way, and despite the tacticians attempt to dodge it, part of the egg still exploded into his audial, and the yolk squelched as it slid down the side of his face.

He cast a glare to the side, and with narrowed optics located the decorating station.

Sunstreaker, Tracks and Mirage were all there, heads bent together as they attempted to paint (and not break) the small shells of the eggs as they chattered lightly.

The yellow twin looked innocent enough, but Sideswipe seemed to know better as he followed Prowls gaze.

Blue optics narrowed, and Sideswipe slid out of Prowls grasp as he stomped over to where his brother was decorating a rather beautiful, extensively patterned egg.

"Alright, stop throwing stuff at Prowl."

Sunstreaker didn't bother to look up, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sideswipes optics narrowed into tiny slits, "Oh, really?"

Another stroke was added to the egg, "Yup."

Sunstreaker, for once, was on the receiving end of a dark and irritated thrum coming from his twin's side of the bond. He ignored it, and continued to add delicate strokes to his egg.

Sideswipe glanced around, and plucked one of the unpainted eggs from the table, Mirage and Tracks eyeing him as he did, a 'are you really going to do that' look spreading across their faces as they watched Sideswipe stride back over to his brother.

A heavy hand came down, and everyone at the table froze at the loud, scandalizing crack that seemed to echo across the field.

Sunstreaker sat rigid in his seat, and Sideswipe, smug as he was, still took a step back when the familiar thrums of murderous anger shot across their bond.

Sideswipe took an image capture of the sticky orange goo running down Sunstreaker audial fins, and the smeared yolk that was trickling down his faceplates.

He might have to bunk with Prowl for a while, but it was so worth it.


End file.
